Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Those Candy Hearts Taste Awful

Well, it's Valentine's Day, and it would be incredibly stereotypical of me to post about this Hallmark holiday like everyone else is.  Then again, I'm kind of stereotypical, so why not. 

I feel like Valentine's Day (which is actually technically Saint Valentine's Day) is the most controversial holiday in America.  You either love it, or you hate it, or you think it was made up by a card company, or you are bitter because you're single and adamantly insist it is "just Tuesday."  Whatever your reasoning is, I'm here to have an opinion on it.  (Who asked me?  Well, no one, but the point of a blog is to write your opinion on things regardless of if people care.) 

To all those girls out there pissed off that one day out of this fine 366-day year is being "wasted" on cheap displays of affection by all those "annoying" couples you so desperately long to be a part of: stop whining.  Firstly, guys don't like girls who whine about being single.  And secondly, you may not have a boyfriend because you spend your life whining about how lonely you are, but you could show some affection to that best friend of yours who undoubtedly listens to you whine all the time.  Or your parents, who, you know, probably conceived you on Valentine's Day.  It's a day to celebrate love of all kinds. 

To all those people out there boycotting this "capitalist" holiday "invented" by Hallmark: make an important political statement by voting, instead.  Your stubborn attitude towards Valentine's day isn't keeping husbands and boyfriends everywhere from buying their sweethearts chocolates and cards and overpriced flowers.  You're really just missing out on all the fun.  And you're probably a communist, since you so vehemently despise the product of a free market.  And, President's Day is a made-up holiday, too, except it was "invented" by some bankers who wanted an extra long weekend each year.  I really don't care if you insist on abstaining from holiday festivities, it just leaves more heart-shaped Reeses for the rest of us.

To the people who treat Valentine's Day as Annual-Buy-Me-Diamonds-As-Redemption-For-Being-A-Terrible-Significant-Other Day: hold the phone.  I get that February 14th is all about showing your loved ones how much they mean to you, but that doesn't mean its the only day for that.  If you treat this holiday as your saving grace to try and buy love back, you probably shouldn't be in that relationship in the first place.  It's a time to do a little extra, not get a year's worth of lovin' in one little red box and then prop your feet up with a beer for the other 354 days and become a cheating douche.  And girls, if you're mad that your boyfriend didn't buy you diamonds or some new overpriced silver adornments from Tiffany's, don't express it.  You sound greedy, and you could very well be in the first category of people I addressed, not only jewelry-less, but man-less, too. 

Personally, I feel as if I don't fall into any of these categories.  I made my boyfriend brunch today, baked my best friend cookies, and will be celebrating the rest of the evening at work with hibachi takeout.  If that doesn't sound like love, I don't know what does. 


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