Hey guys! For those of you who noticed I moved (on the interwebz, I mean), this is where you can get your daily dose of caffeine and extinct reptiles from now on. For those of you who didn't notice, well, never mind.
So, this weekend in the good ole town of Orlando is All-Star weekend. Apparently, that means that some really awesome NBA basketball players are shooting hoops at the Amway center and then getting obliteratingly drunk downtown with some other very classy celebrities like Nicki Minaj. Needless to say, half of the town is in hysterics as they daydream about meeting Dwight Howard himself or having the chance to go shot for shot with Shaquille O'Neal at a club. Okay, so I have no idea if Shaq is even coming to said "All-Star Weekend," nor do I know who any of the All-Stars are, but that doesn't stop me from having an opinion on the town's obnoxious excitement.
I get that it's really cool to have so many famous people and great athletes in the same place at the same time. I get that it's going to be a really fun game to watch, if you can actually afford to go. But what I don't understand is why any college student in their right mind wants to pay $150 cover to get into a really terrible club just on the off chance that some slam-dunk-star happens to be there. I don't even really understand how it's fun to be crammed into a bar with fifteen thousand other drunk people all waiting on the same celebrity to make an appearance. With so many people, how can you even get to the bar to get a drink? How can you dance? I can stand in line for free at the DMV...
I'm not just hating on the NBA here. I never understood the uproar about Jersey Shore stars coming to clubs downtown here, either. Cool, let's all go pay a zillion dollars to get into a club, then be crammed in with a hundred other people, just for DJ Paulie D to not even show up... And even if he did, he's going to go straight to a VIP section specifically blocked off from the rest of the crowd. Am I the only one on this planet who thinks it's incredibly unlikely that Chad Ochocinco is going to say "oh, no thanks, I don't need a private couch fully stocked with bottles of liquor that cost more than a semester of tuition, I think I'll have a cheap long island in a plastic cup with this young fellow over here." News flash, it ain't gonna happen. And don't even get me started on this whole "Ocho Cinco" nonsense. His number is 85, which in Spanish is "ochenta y cinco." Illiterate. Regardless, good for Orlando for hosting such a mess of sexy black men and getting the entire town pumped up about basketball and drinking. I will be avoiding the crazed-fan-ridden downtown streets tonight like Colt avoids communists. (It's a great analogy if you know Colt, trust me.)