Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Solutions for America and Food for Thought

Hello Tuesday!  Although, it feels a lot like Sunday, because work has been canceled yesterday and today due to Hurricane Sandy!  May I just remark that everyone in Virginia has been flipping out about this "hurricane," meanwhile I'm ensuring I have enough wine in my fridge and getting annoyed that the lines in Target are obnoxiously long as people buy up every shred of toilet paper and ounce of bottled water to prepare...

I feel like such an ass being so blase about the hurricane.  But you know what I will be freaking out about?  The snow flurry that is predicted to happen tonight.  EXCUSE ME, SNOW!? I'm thinking I was clinically insane when I decided to move "north."

Anyways, thanks to the ridiculousness that is Virginia's infrastructure, quite a lot of people lost power and had some tree damage, which really does suck.  I was lucky enough to keep power and stay safe, but 12 hours without internet or cable made me restless... so I started cooking... and I decided that I really need to incorporate more of my "recipes" and cooking adventures into my blog.  I contemplated making a separate blog for food-related posts, but since i don't generally use exact recipes, we'll try them out here, first.  Stay tuned for some mouth-watering iPhone photos...

And, while we're on the subject of the storm and the losing of power and the government being shut down, I might as well announce my running for the 2016 presidential election, since I've practically solved a bunch of America's issues with one simple solution.

Let's hire some construction workers to bulk up the infrastructure of the greater DC metro area.  Boom, more jobs.  Then, we will have a stronger infrastructure that will be able to better survive storms and snow.  Awesome, we're giving Americans a higher standard of living.  Also, this means that millions of people won't lose power and access to transportation just because of a little rain, meaning that Office of Personnel Management won't have to shut down federal offices.  And look who just made our government more efficient and effective at getting things done!?

And with my upcoming easy recipes, this country will be back to eating and living a healthy lifestyle in no time.

Vote Coffee and Dinosaurs, 2016!


Friday, October 26, 2012

Happy Belated Fall!

So, now that I no longer live in the tropical paradise that is Florida, I get to enjoy the season of fall. Autumn.  A season that doesn't exist where gators swim and pools are open year-round.  And, I kind of like it.

In Florida, fall happened for, like, a week.  It was "fall" because all the hurricanes and tropical storms were named started with the ending letters of the alphabet, and because it was slightly less humid.  And then, almost overnight, trees would turn brown and shed and boom, it was "winter."

I never understood the appeal of jumping into a pile of leaves in Florida.  They are brown and ugly and dead and Palmetto roaches are probably nesting in them.  And then I moved to Northern Virginia, where autumn brings beautiful golden and red leaves and Palmetto bugs don't exist.  I could totally jump into a giant pile of leaves!

A few weekends ago (yes I'm sorry I've been slackingggg), the boyfriend was up here, and we tried to take advantage of the cool crisp weather and do some corny fall things.  We'd gone to a pumpkin path in Florida last year (in shorts, mind you) so we topped it with the most adorable corn maze.  It was a little cornfusing, by we accomplished it!


Riding some hay!

It was made out of real corn.  

Excuse all the lovely iPhone photos.  I have a camera somewhere, but the iPhone really does take pretty good photos, and it's ALWAYS with me.  Se la vie.  Anyways.  That weekend, we also went to Serendipity and tried the frozen hot chocolate!

looking all hipster-y in Gerogetown

I'll probably lose some readers by saying this but... I wasn't a huge fan of the frozen hot chocolate. It tasted watery.  Not rich and creamy like hot chocolate tastes.  Don't get me wrong, it was good... but it's definitely not something I will crave or offer to punch babies for.  

This post is not in chronological order, by the way.  Because the corn maze was on Monday and the hot chocolate was on Friday and now I'll bring you to Saturday, the Taste of DC fest!  

That's right, pinkies out with those huge manly beers!

It was a food and beer fest, where local restaurants and food trucks provided sample snacks, and Stella hosted a beer garden.  We befriending one of the beer-pouring volunteers and got a littttllllleeee tipsy at 2pm.  Someone famous also provided live entertainment, although I had no idea who he was.  Sean Paul?  Ron John?  Biggie Smalls? Some guy with two names like that...

Despite the photos, it wasn't the happiest weekend we've had together.  Long distance is rough, and it sucks even more when you get into an argument in the short time you have to spend together.  But, it was a reality check that I think we both needed in our situation.  It's so easy to treat time together like vacations or honeymoons, when, in fact, it's a real actual relationship, with ups and downs and everything in between.  

I'm not a fan of comparing situations, but I think that was a big contributing factor to why my last relationship failed... we were always honeymooning, and never actually dealt with real issues or situations.  And, let's be realistic... you can't play house your entire life... 

Anyways, to make a depressing story positive again, we clearly worked things out and made the most of the weekend.  So, all in all, a successful start to fall!  


Monday, October 15, 2012

Yellow Brick Road

Good Evening, Washingtonnnnnn!

No, am I the only person that's seen that Robin Williams gem?  Guess so...

Anyways, driving home today, I was on the phone (legally, with my hands-free device, A.K.A. iPhone headphones, which I could have sworn used to be illegal...) and I dropped the call approximately 6 bajillion times.  Why, you ask?  Do I drive through tunnels?  Was I in elevators?  Was a huge metal roof suddenly constructed above Interstate 395?

Nay, nay, nay.  It is simply because I live in the District of Colombia and the surrounding suburban areas.  And when Monsieur L'Enfant designed this city, he built the infrastructure out of Popsicle sticks, paper clips, and chewing gum.  You think I'm kidding.  Except I'm not.  I swear I saw some Velcro holding a speeding camera on a stoplight last week... So when it drizzles, everything goes to crap.

This city (and when I say city I'm including Northern Virginia and that unfortunate state of Maryland) has the most horrendous infrastructure I've ever witnessed.  For example, this summer, soon after I moved, a bad rain storm hit the area.  By "bad rain storm" I mean a lot of rain and thunder and some lightening and then it was over after a few hours.  And then everyone lost power for a week.  Like, are the power lines made out of licorice up here?

If this was Florida, and a category 5 hurricane was approaching, everyone would simply scotch tape some Xs on their windows and head to the nearest 7-11 for some beer.  And then, during the storm, everyone would watch TV and chug every time a weather alert beeps on the bottom of the screen.  And a tropical storm?  Pfftttt, that's just a heads up for everyone to grab their surf boards and head to Cocoa Beach.  Really, Virginia, you can't handle a rain storm?  More like Vir-gina.

Don't even get me started on how half the stop-lights are so faded and dimly lit that I can't tell if it's working at all.  And they're on the sides of the street, and oddly places when streets merge.  I've probably ran some red lights just because I have had no clue which of the 5 stop-light-poles corresponds with my lane/direction.

Anyways, I'm terrified for my birthday to come around... I'll probably topple the Monument right over blowing out the candles on my cake.


Thursday, October 11, 2012

Trapped by My Own Pet Peeve

Happy glorious Thursday morning!  There are a few reasons I've been sorta MIA from writing the past few weeks.  One of those reasons is that I want to hit on a few subjects running through my mind as of late, but I'm still working on how to relay them tactfully.  I know I rant often about things, but I try to keep my ramblings to an only slightly offensive level, not piss everyone off. 

I literally just wrote three paragraphs and erased them, because it was not pretty.  There is no tactful way to express my annoyances with certain things, so I will have to mull over that for a while and get back to you. 

In the meantime...

I hate passive-aggressive behavior. 

Grow some balls.  Please, do not send an email addressing a "reoccurring issue" when it's only one person doing the same damn thing.  And they probably have no idea they are doing it to correct it because no one confronted them and said "hey, bozo, please stop putting the trash can on my side of the curb, it ruins my grass."  Or whatever the situation may be.  Along those same lines, cut it out with the lame notes. 

That's right, females everywhere, living with other females!  Stop writing passive-aggressive notes that you cleaned the kitchen.  Your roommate can tell you cleaned the kitchen because her crap is no longer in the sink.  She may be dirty, but she isn't blind.  No need to scrawl your housewifery on a Post-It.  I've had one rule the past 3 years with every roommate I've lived with: we don't write notes.  I even hate texting that bills are due. 

A very wise woman once told me that no one can be pissed at a smiley-face in a note or a text.  While that logic saved my ass for a plethora of dramatic situations in college, it was ridiculously passive-aggressive and a really cheap way of covering your ass when you want to say something bitchy to someone.  We've all done it.  I'm just saying. 

Also, if you dislike the way my car is parked on the street where I am fully entitled to park, too bad.  Don't leave me a note.  I'm not parked too far from the curb, I'm not blocking traffic, I'm not on your grass (which isn't even your lawn, that little strip of foliage is owned by the county, jackhole.)  Oh, I'm sorry you had to park down the block because I was home before you and I didn't see your name on that spot of tar.  I'm sorry you have nothing better to do with your life than write me a dick-head note on a WalMart receipt. 

And, probably the most passive-aggressive move of our generation is the Facebook de-friending.  Oh, you're mad at me for some ridiculously stupid and petty reason, so you're going to block me form being your "friend" on social media?  Awesome, now I don't have to see your duck-faced photos pop up on my news feed.  It's not like you made any huge statement by banishing me from your circle of acquaintances online.  I figured you were no longer my friend when you told a bunch of other people you hated me because I lived with your big sister.  But, thanks for enlisting the help of Mark Zuckerburg, just to make it clear.  I'll go cry in a corner now... except not... because it's Facebook... and I got over being bumped off the friendship hierarchy when MySpace came out with their Top 8 feature.

And, before you can jump in, yes, I realize this blog post is very passive-aggressive.  Except no one who would read it would be referenced in this.  And, if by some miracle of web-linking they do... long hair don't care.  I'm not trying to accomplish anything here, besides telling you that females are annoying with their half-assed "I'll show her" tendencies.