Dear Advocates of Various Causes At the Student Union,
As a passerby on my way to class, I would greatly appreciate it if you would stop shoving fliers, clip boards, and free pencils in my face. I am only walking through this obnoxious hoard of tables, tents, and banners because you and about 50 other advocates of various other causes take up the entire center of school, and I need to get to the business building. I am in no way interested in Swirl Saturday at the bar you promo for. I do not want to sign a petition to stop the health center from providing birth control. And, Mormons, although you are dressed oh so nicely in your slacks and tie, I know the power of prayer works because I beg Jesus weekly to let me avoid you.
Don't get me wrong, I understand providing information about your club, honor society, or charity to the masses as we go about our day. I understand that your internship with the local Obama campaign requires you to stand in the hot sun and help students register to vote. What I don't agree with is your party affiliation. I've been registered to vote since 08. I'm already in 3 honors societies. I have no place at a "Latin Fever" salsa club. And if you want people do donate to a fundraiser, get a credit card machine so people can't use the "I have no cash" excuse anymore. If you're handing out free travel mugs, pens, or energy drinks, I want one, but I don't want to have to put my name, email, or phone number down before I can receive it.
If I don't look interested, it's because I'm not. Please don't try to walk with me to explain why weed should be legal. Please do not ask me some open-ended question that makes me sound like a complete ass-hat if I disregard it. ("Do you WANT puppies to die? If you cared, you'd donate!") And please, please do not try to talk politics or religion with me. That's just not appropriate conversation for a first date.
I look forward to ignoring you again next week.