Wednesday, February 8, 2012

A Letter To My Peers

Dear UCF Towers Residents,

How did you get accepted to this fine Floridian university?  I was under the impression that college acceptance relies on GPA and grades and SAT scores and other measures of intelligence.  It seems, however, that somewhere between that "Congratulations!" letter in the large envelope and your actual moving onto campus, you lost all of your intellect.  Apparently, going to college means you can forget all of those lessons we learned in kindergarten.  Like looking BOTH WAYS before crossing a street.  Who would have known that such a simple idea could be fundamental to your success as a human being? 

Instead, you choose to ignore that voice in your head, and jaywalking laws, and the little flashing red hand on the other side of the crosswalk, or the fact that my giant SUV has the right of way. You ignore all of that and walk right into the middle of the street.  Or ride your bike across the middle of traffic.  You're a dumb ass, and if I were Charles Darwin, I would use natural selection to justify not slamming on my breaks to avoid my bumper ramming into your dumbfounded face.  I despise driving past those two intersections every day I'm on campus.  Where in the hell do you need to go that is SO important your life is worth risking? Classes don't start for another 15 minutes.  Not to mention that judging from the clueless look on your face as you STOP WALKING in the MIDDLE of the lane when my light has been green for a good 3 minutes, you have no idea you're on a roadway and not frolicking in a field of poppies with the Tin Man.  He didn't have a brain, either.  You two would make great friends. 

I would greatly appreciate it if you could find the time to review the Florida drivers manual, and then test your invincibility on I4 during rush hour.  Best of luck! 


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