Oh what wondrous nugget of joy do I want to share with you all today? Let's talk about Spring Break, since it is fast approaching. I will be taking that week off from Blogger-world. I know, you are all so sad. Why, you ask? Well, because I have much more pressing obligations that week, such as drinking margaritas out of 18-in-long plastic tube cups at a bar named after a Hispanic amphibian, or eating my weight in unlimited cruise food or trying to keep my friend Colt out of cruise jail. I realize that I have never addressed anyone by name in my posts before, but Colt is just another level of human and cannot be described any other way. I think everyone in my vacation party is a little nervous that he will end up in Bahamian prison at some point in the week and have to sail a raft back to America. Colt loves America more than anyone else I know. (He's left me 3-minute long voice mails of the National Anthem).
I got off topic. How incredibly unlike me. (Sarcasm.) Anyways, Spring Break is in a short two weeks and I have a lot to do. We have to order matching neon shirts to wear on the boat. I have to make sure all my frat-tanks are properly laundered and round up my collection of cutoff shorts and bikinis. I have to make a copy of my passport. I have to clean and sanitize some hair product bottles to fill with alcohol to smuggle in my luggage. I have to call my credit card company. I have to get a tan. Such a busy list!
I understand that the point of a tropical vacation is to bronze in the sun, but I live in Florida and should be bronze all the time. Remember my irritations with the weatherman lately? Now you see why they are justified. He is clearly personally imposing on my Spring Break preparations. Next CVS going to suddenly stop selling all their knock-off brands of things so I can't buy extra detangler spray to dump out and replace with vodka. The world is conspiring against the most monumental collegiate vacation of the year.
Since this is my last and final year of college, this is also my last and final year of a real Spring Break. This is the last time it is appropriate for me to spend a solid week in a bikini, not wear shoes, and drink out of fruits carved into drinking vessels. This is the last year I can run around in neon-on-neon-on-neon shirts printed with obnoxious sayings like "rage hard or die trying." After college, places like Panama City Beach and Freeport, Bahamas are places that should only exist in memories or as photos in a folder on my desktop titled "The Last Hurrah." I'm not saying that graduation will cause me to lose my ability to party, but it's commonly agreed that sloppy Spring Break weeks are no longer acceptable in the "real world." I feel like "real world" vacations just don't involve 20 sorority girls and rum pineapples. Aren't I supposed to go to, like, Key West when I'm "grown up?" That all being said, two weeks can't fly by fast enough. I'm jonseing for the ocean.