Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Stuff I Shouldn't Say

A lot of controversial things are floating around in my brain today, but I'm going to write about the one that will get me in the least amount of trouble.  Well, actually, it could possibly cost me a job post-graduation, and I may get some "oh-my-god-you-are-the-devil" comments on it, but what the hell... no one has commented on anything yet.  If you haven't seen this hilarious YouTube video about sh*t nobody says, go watch it now and laugh your little hiney off.  This post will make a lot more sense.  Then go touch my screen, please. 

I was recently suggested to join a conservative job bank to aid with my career-hunting, and thought it would be a fantastic idea since I am, in fact, registered as a Republican.  I said this was going to be controversial, didn't I?  I think I can bring up politics by now with you; we are way past our first date.  But you still can't spend the night... I'm not that kind of girl.  Anyways, in order to receive the job postings, I first had to fill out a survey asking about my support for or against certain organizations, policies, and politicians.  Know what I learned about myself?  I'm not conservative enough.  By golly, I can't stand those hippies occupying everything but a job, and I damn well am a member of the Grand Old Party, but there are some (few) things that conservatives would say that I just don't agree with.  Let the controversy begin.  Drum roll, please::: sh*t I shouldn't say...

Why can't gays marry?  If straight men and women can suffer the bonds of marriage through sickness and health and getting fat and bald and saggy boobs, why can't gay men and women be subject to the same torture?  I mean joy.  Plus, I'm pretty sure the majority of gay couples I observe in the media stay together way longer than most hetero marriages.  Cough Kim Kardashian cough.  I just don't get what the big deal is.  Personally, I think some stuck up repub girls somewhere got pissed realizing that if gays could marry, their weddings would be so much more adorable and well-designed than theirs. 

I'm going to lay off the whole smushmortion issue, because it's obnoxiously touchy and I don't want anyone showing up to my house with posters of fetuses being sucked up by a vacuum.  Gross.  I hate vacuuming up dead cockroaches, imagine how I would feel about that.  Birth control is another issue all together, though.  Like, what's so wrong with the pill?  I get that we shouldn't be teaching the middle-school generations Karma Sutra, but let's be honest, turning the other cheek and expecting that just because we tell them "don't have sex until you're married" doesn't mean they're going to listen.  Have you met a 15-year-old?  They wouldn't know obedience if it walked up and and smacked them on their acne-ridden faces.  I'm not saying the federal government needs to be sending out mailers of Ortho-Tri-Cyclen to all households in America, but making it illegal is just going to put more unwanted children into the welfare system we hate so much. 

Alright, so, basically, just those two things.  Everything else I'm siding with the elephants.  Gun control?  Oh, I'm sorry Dems, but did you want to blatantly disobey that document that basically guides our entire nation's government?  What's it called again?  Oh, yeah, the Constitution.  Banning firearms would just put us one step closer to becoming communists, and I heard they only have one choice for fast food restaurants... do you want to be feeding your unwanted born children Captain D's forever? 

And seriously, why are liberals trying to redistribute wealth so much?  You know why the rich are so rich?  Because they occupy jobs, not streets.  They took advantage of an education and learned how to invest their profits.  And, to be quite honest, poorer students get so much financial aid and minorities have so many more scholarship opportunities that, if put on the same academic level, it is more difficult for me as a working-middle-class white girl to do the whole college thing. 

Oh, yeah, and then people want to stop piddling away money on our military forces... We're not Vatican City where we can just get a divine miracle from God should danger bark our way.  We need a military, guys, and a strong one at that.  Especially if you're taking away my right to own my own personal pink plated handgun... Is the government going to fund a Nightlight-In-Every-Home program to protect us from the bad guys? 

This is probably the longest post I've written to date, but if you've read this far through it and are shaking your head while steam comes out of your ears in disgusted anger, thanks.  Just a disclaimer that these are my personal political viewpoints.  I really don't have any intentions of telling you what's right and wrong.  You could probably ask the Pope for advice like that.  We all get our own vote for a reason, right?


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