Happy Thursday! Yay it's my weekend! I have high hopes of being productive all morning with this paper, making some phone calls I haven't had time for all week, powering through class, bronzing, getting new shoes at Macy's, working out, getting a spray tan for this weekend... high hopes. I'm chugging coffee now.
I've mentioned before in a few posts that I've been in a funk lately. This whole graduation-and-moving-and-finding-a-real-job-and-growing-up-and-the-real-world thing is hitting me hard. And I'm not handling it with as much grace as I would like. As in, I ate Taco Bell for dinner last night (sober) and drove around aimlessly listening to sad country songs, and then bought Easter clearance candy with the intentions of laying in bed and eating it all. (I fell asleep before I could chomp the ears off a Reester Bunny... cute name, Reeses.) I know, I'm such a mess. Did I mention that I ran into a friend while buying said sale candy, and our "catch up" conversation was all about our plans for the "real world?" Yeah, well, I did. And while it was nice to see him again and great to hear that he's doing well, he also asked the infamous question that hits me like a warm shot of tequila on a hungover morning. "You're just, moving up there? With no job? Just... moving?" Sigh. Yes, people, for the bazillionth time, I am. Call me crazy. Shake your head when we part ways. Give me that quizzical look. I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for me.
Anyways, this whole weird-mood thing I've been in has me obnoxiously emotional. The Taco Bell drive through woman was extra nice to me? Insanely happy. My burrito falls out of my makeshit burrito-holder in my car? In tears. (And by burrito-holder, I mean I re-purposed my cup holder. Failure.) Someone, give me a Xanax, A.S.A.P. I seriously almost added two-for-ten-dollar chardonnay to my cart last night, but I figured the single Lean Cuisine and chocolate was pathetic enough. Something made me feel better, though. I was in such a grouchy, terrible, no good, pout-until-16-airplanes-could-land-on-my-bottom-lip mood, and my boyfriend was busy studying, and I just wanted attention and comfort, and I wasn't getting it. So, instead of whining about it (okay, so I whined for approximately 34 minutes about it), I decided to do something nice for my boyfriend. I went and bought him study break snacks and dropped them by his house. And, I felt a little better.
I went home and talked to my roommate. She graduated last year and has decided to move away the same time I will this summer. For similar reasons. I felt a lot better after having someone relate to me. I realized that when I feel like I'm not getting enough love, or when I feel alone and hurt, sometimes it just takes a sad country song and a change of perspective to help things get better. We are not as alone as we think. We are not as different as we feel. And sometimes, when we want love the most, that is the best time to give love.
Sorry for getting all mushy-gushy on you today. I'm definitely the "before" part of a Midol commercial this week.
Love,
N
i can COMPLETELY relate! i even have a job and i still feel like that a lot! i don't know if they are just good actors but i feel like some people really seem to have it all together and it's so frustrating!
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